Men and Gen Z
Where Have All the Wild Men Gone?
* This was first released and sent out in a newsletter previously, so I have added to it to make it worth your time if you already read it. Thanks for reading.
It’s an interesting time to be a man right now across all generations. You have models somewhere between Andrew Tate and what’s known as the performative male, tote bag in hand and Jane Austen in the other (shots fired… read it in secret).
(I listened to Pride and Prejudice for the first time on Audible while working a landscaping job the summer after college.)
I work for someone who, among other things, leads a private group of highly successful men, about forty in all, mostly in business or pastoral ministry, who meet in person twice a year.
This last month, as an employee of my boss, I flew from New York City to Nashville to gather with this group.
I was intimidated and inspired.
Intimidated that I might be shamed, rejected, or embarrass myself in front of them, particularly as the youngest man there.
Inspired by the consequence of these men’s lives and how they’ve massively blessed each of their communities. Most of them are married, have lots of children, and are striving to excel in their vocation and local context.
A virtuous man skillfully stewarding his gifts for the good of others is not something every younger man has direct exposure to, and I was moved by being in the presence of this group.
Perspective is what they gave me.
You’ve probably heard the line, “Most men die at 27, but we bury them at 72.”
I’m 27. I feel the weight of figuring out how to leverage my life to be a blessing to many, to be a competent man.
But it can be hard to know how to do that well. It can be hard to be good at being a man.
How can younger men channel their passion without clear, reliable pathways and models on how to move forward in the modern world?
Do men know how to be self-controlled sexually?
Do men know how to find a wife?
Do men know how to learn a craft and excel in a field?
Do men know how to steward their resources shrewdly?
Do men know how to lead a family?
Do men know how to follow God?
Are men good at being men?
We hate to admit it, but COVID did more damage than it seems, leaving Gen Zers uncertain about how to move forward in the world. Many young guys are outside the traditional, chronological timelines for life compared to their predecessors. Yet you might still long to do something that matters, and even more, to become something that matters, to live a life of consequence.
The once-clear path is muddled.
As I reflected on this, I see a number of pitfalls Gen Z men like myself might fall into when it comes to figuring out how to channel their inward ache and energy as they move forward in life.
#1. The Ditch of Hedonism
Contrary to suppression, the hedonist believes that accomplished pleasure is his highest aim. This is the voice within a man that tells him he won’t be satisfied until he finds the consummation of each of his desires.
If the stomach wants food, eat until it’s stuffed.
If the brain wants excitement or relief, medicate and numb.
If the body wants sex, by any means necessary.
I think men pursue hedonism not only because they love pleasure, but maybe because they don’t know what to do with their desire. Is there really any hope for a happy life they find within themselves? Stuff it or chase it down; there seems to be no other way.
#2. The Ditch of Suppression
Restraining our desires has its place. Not every desire deserves to be acted on, and there are times, of course, when the right response is simply to restrain it, to feel the pull and choose not to follow.
But suppression can be a sad thing.
The pit of suppression is maybe less of a place one falls into but rather a place a man is pushed into.
You see this when a young boy comes forward with emerging sexual energy, and instead of it being acknowledged and directed in a healthy community of men, he is laughed at, mocked, and so he shuts down. This won’t put out the fire within; it will just be pushed elsewhere into hidden, destructive places. What feels forced to suppress in public will leak out in private.
He comes to believe that desire itself is something to be ashamed of. Any sensitivity or passion is now thought of as weakness if revealed.
Now you’re left with a young man who, at best, is unproductive with his eros, and at worst, secretly destructive.
#3. The Ditch of Softness
In his book Iron John (which spent 62 weeks on the New York Times bestseller list in the ‘90s), Robert Bly tells a brief history of how the model of manhood has shifted drastically in America over the past decades.
He notes that in the fifties, men were hardworking, responsible, and attempted to be all the world needed them to be. They did their duty, but neglected aspects of their spirits.
When the sixties came, a kind of disillusionment set in. If being a man meant completely embracing the Vietnam War, perhaps you shouldn’t be one. Also, with the emergence of second-wave feminism, the movement that expanded feminism beyond voting rights into sexuality, work, and the structure of the family, men were encouraged to be more attentive, caring, and attuned to their emotions.
This overcorrection against the typical male created what Bly describes as the “soft male.”
“I began to see all over the country a phenomenon that we might call the ‘soft male.’ Sometimes, even today, when I look out at an audience, perhaps half the young males are what I’d call soft. They’re lovely, valuable people. I like them; they’re not interested in harming the earth or starting wars. There’s a gentle attitude toward life in their whole being and style of living. But many of these men are not happy. You quickly notice the lack of energy in them. They are life-preserving but not exactly life-giving. Ironically, you often see these men with strong women who positively radiate energy. Here we have a finely tuned young man, ecologically superior to his father, sympathetic to the whole harmony of the universe, yet he himself has little vitality to offer.”
“Little vitality to offer.” What a line.
The soft male has rejected his distinct contribution to his community, thinking that what people want from him is merely being nice and emotionally aware.
This is genuinely a tragedy.
We’ve encouraged men to neuter their spirit and reject themselves. The performative male is a man peacocking to draw in women by being feminine. The world needs men with vitality to offer, not just emotions to perform.
A violent rebellion against this is what seems to bring about the popular chauvinist figures we see emerging on social media.
I think so many men are leaning conservative because there is no archetype they can resonate with on the radical left (only 25% of men aged 18 to 29 identify as liberal according to a 2024 Brookings analysis.)1 They have been told that they are what’s wrong with the world and need to sit back, shut up, and let everyone else go forward.
Although it’s true that many have been oppressed by the abuse of men, silencing the next generation of men won’t repair that damage and will only create dangerous bitterness.
Jesus was not a soft man in this sense. You don’t crucify soft men. He wept, turned tables, dignified women, shamed hypocrisy, commissioned men, and died for the sin of the world. He was vitality embodied.
#4. The Ditch of Passivity
The last pit is passivity. Passivity is a plague for men my age.
We waste our days on useless amusement, trying to stay out of the way. We don’t know who to be or what to give ourselves to, so we just… scroll. People often mock this or create stereotypes about it, but below the lack of action is a deep ache. The share of men reporting no close friends jumped fivefold between 1990 and 2021, from 3% to 15% .2 It’s easier to waste time online than make progress in real life. It almost seems like some of the world wants men to stay out of the way, and then they’re scolded for not doing anything.
Enter the Wild Man
The wildness of men scares us all, if we’re honest.
It’s too great a risk to encourage men to be wild because all the wild ones seem to be vile.
Perhaps if men found out that they were wild, the whole world would burn down in violence and exploitation.
And so what do we do?
We keep it a secret.
We don’t let men know the kind of effect they could have in their community, the actual change they could bring about in the world.
If they knew, it would go to their heads. If they knew, we’d risk too great a danger flooding in.
It’s better to have a sterilized man than a wild one, we think.
So shame his desire.
Let him parent his kids, but not too much.
Make sure his wife doesn’t think too highly of him, and puts him in his place by regularly demeaning him.
Make sure he’s an idiot in our sitcoms.
Make sure he wastes his energy on cheap digital amusement.
Make sure he’s good and discouraged so he doesn’t do very much.
And if none of that works, tell him to try acting like a woman.
Keep the lid on Pandora’s box closed, because if you open it, all the evils of the world will fly out.
Robert Bly talks about the need to find the wild man again. We need men who are not prisoners to self-censoring or domesticated by a genderless age. We need men who acknowledge the passion within them and let it drive them into something noble.
Gen Z men are told to stay away from wild men. We are told the wild man is toxic and misogynistic.
What’s toxic is having a whole generation of young men with no cultural vision for what it looks like to be a virtuous man. Men ache to do something with their lives. Things exist in the world because someone made them exist.
We don’t let men know “Hey dude, we need you in the game.”
The truth is none of us know how much better our communities would be if more men were activated into something honorable.
Young men ache for something productive to integrate their energy into.
Surprisingly for the first time in roughly 25 years, young men have surpassed young women in self-reported religiosity, with 42% now saying religion is very important to them, up from 28% just two years ago.3
Jesus was a wild man, a man who channeled his wildness and set forth as a sacrifice for the redemption of the whole world.
You might remember Susan’s famous words in The Chronicles of Narnia when she’s thinking of Aslan: “Is he quite safe? I shall feel rather nervous about meeting a lion.”
“Safe?” said Mr. Beaver. “Who said anything about safe? ‘Course he isn’t safe. But he’s good.”
Perhaps men and their own wildness could redeem just a little part of the world.
Not using their energy for hedonism.
Not suppressing it out of shame.
Not self-censoring into a contemporary cliché.
Not dulled into passivity or going with the flow.
I wrote this poem. It’s a risk for me to put it out there, but it’s one small, wild thing I’m doing this week.
Where have all the wild men gone?
Now everything has become wild and untamed
Chaos has spilled over
Abused women cry out for a wild man
to save them from wild men
Where have the wild men gone?
Mostly into underground caves
shamed for their wanting and strength
forgetting they had any to begin with
Where have all the wild men gone?
Other wild men have risen up
unable to restrain the inner fire
slaves to their hedonic pleasure
the earth is full of transgression
Is there a wild man?
A man of all men
who will rule and reign
and teach men to be men?
Thanks for reading,
Max
Brookings Institution. “The Growing Gender Gap Among Young People.” https://www.brookings.edu/articles/the-growing-gender-gap-among-young-people/
Survey Center on American Life. “American Men Suffer a Friendship Recession.” https://www.americansurveycenter.org/commentary/american-men-suffer-a-friendship-recession/
Gallup. “Rise in Young Men’s Religiosity Realigns Gender Gaps.” Gallup, April 16, 2026. https://news.gallup.com/poll/708410/rise-young-men-religiosity-realigns-gender-gaps.aspx
Such a great challenge, love it!
🔥🔥🔥